The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
