I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
