I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
