Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
it's like iHOP with fire
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
