She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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