I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
