The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
