Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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