Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
