I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
