we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
