Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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