oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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