I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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