Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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