I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize