I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize