Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
