I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
