Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
