We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
