It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
