I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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