my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
