Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
