You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
