At least make sure they are 18
Why
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
