Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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