My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
