Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Rumble strips road head = magical
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize