It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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