last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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