I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize