Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
