ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She even gives head with a lisp.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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