Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
