I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
