i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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