I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
