The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
