Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
