so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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