dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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