I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
