Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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