i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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