Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
