Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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