and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
