Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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