did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
