Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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