Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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