tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
