Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
