i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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