I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
