i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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