I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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