3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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