Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
