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just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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