I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
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