Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
