I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
