we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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