Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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