Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
