Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
