I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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